(incorporating the International Ex-Fetus Association)

Thoughts on the War for Men's Rights
(An essay on men's rights using a military analogy) (unedited)

Copyright: George Rolph 2003

The men's movement is at war. Whether they like that fact or not it is, nevertheless, a fact. However, it is not a war to be fought with violence. There is no need to fight with bombs (real or hoax), rocks, sticks, heads, fists or feet. It is a war principally of the hearts and minds of men and women everywhere. All wars are dirty affairs and they create casualties. When the enemy is as vicious and powerful as our enemies are, trying to be Mr Nice will quickly turn us all in Mr Squashed. However, being Mr Nasty will lose us the fight. It is important to realise that the enemy we fight is not the man or woman in the street. It is the bigots in power that we are fighting, not the ordinary people. While enlightening the attitudes, dispelling the myths and educating the public to garner their support is a vital part of the war, anything that has a negative impact on Joe Public may have a negative impact on the men's movement as a whole. Therefore, if we have to disrupt the lives of Joe Public careful work needs to be done to keep them on board. After all, if Joe Public supports the cause he will also finance it.

All those who go to war must do so with the sure and certain knowledge that the enemy will fight back and do so viciously. However, where the enemy lie and distort; where the enemy play games with statistics; where the enemy misuse their powers to imprison the innocent and break the weak, those who fight for justice and truth must not follow them. To do so forces the people to choose, not between good and evil, but between two evils. A choice no public will ever make willingly. Without public support no war can succeed. Vietnam proved that as a fact.

The enemy has all the resources of the state at his and her disposal. However, that need not be as formidable and terrifying a prospect as it seems at first. In world war two the resistance movements around the globe achieved huge results with often extremely small assets of their own. Sabotage is difficult to detect and hard to prevent.

While any enemy can appear to be invulnerable it is always worth baring in mind that every single dictator who has ever lived always has his/her weakness. Finding those weaknesses is a vital part of intelligence gathering. Sometimes those weaknesses can be as mundane as a fear of public opinion. A fear most politicians suffer with. Sometimes those weaknesses will be in their very huge size. Sometimes it will be their behaviour. While size is impressive and even frightening, it can also be slow to respond and therefore vulnerable to a lighter quicker enemy. The recent petrol protests showed the weaknesses of the government and their slow response perfectly. However, they can only be surprised a finite number of times unless tactics and operations are held under constant review.

Allies are a vital and important part of any war effort. The more allies we have the more troops there are at our disposal. However, allies can also cause problems. Without giving anything away, I know of a case where a man needed to ally himself with a local organisation run by two women. Within days he found his entire initiative had been taken over and he was sidelined. Those women had no idea how to work as a team and in concert with a man. They had an unswerving belief that they knew best in all things and he ought to shut up and listen to what they had to say. I really felt for him as he related this news to me on the telephone and told me he was abandoning his project because of it. I was, sadly, not surprised. I have seen men do this to men, women do it to women and all other combinations. Such insensitivity can cause major problems and must be resisted. I tried to persuade my friend to sack the women and not the project but his feelings were too raw to salvage.

Alliances and communications are vital in any war. As is strategic planning. With these must go the power of vigilance. The enemy will try to infiltrate and take over the army that we all have worked so hard to form. They will try to discredit leaders and indeed, the whole movement. Anyone who doubts this needs only to look at the past deeds of our enemies. In fact, a common and deep understanding of the nature of the enemy is vital in order to appreciate and predict what they will do next. Those predictions are vital for they enable plans B and C to operate successfully if plan A fails.

Every leader in a war tries to fight battles on territory chosen by himself. Sometimes that is not possible, but it is still possible, in any situation, to give a good account in the battle as long as one has the knowledge that all alongside are fighting the same way and for the same aims. Loner extremists can foil these actions and the damage they can do can be incredible and undermine the whole effort. Therefore, discipline is vital, as is a contingency plan to limit any public anger that may result from the unhindered actions of the odd loony or two. Mistakes will happen and it is vital that those who make them are not vilified for them unless their nature is so gross that they deserve to be vilified. However, if mistakes continue it is equally vital that the others in the movement distance themselves from the culprit. An army that cannot face up to its own errors is of little use against an enemy that does. A second in command that knows the plans and has the resources and power to carry them out is also a good idea. Without that, if the leader falls, goes AWOL, or is captured, the whole army grinds to a halt.

If the enemy controls the media it is necessary to have a media of ones own that they cannot control. Web sites come in very useful for this, as do desktop publication software and printers. It is therefore a good idea to have an itinerary of the publishing resources available to any organisation and to make sure that at least some of those resources are held in reserve, even in some other country if necessary. The same should apply to finances. Watching the miners being castrated by the sequestration of their assets should make us all think soberly about this. A list of sympathetic and trustworthy journalists, media stars and other organisations, along with their contact details should also be maintained.

I also believe that we should not be afraid to refuse an interview, or leave one in progress if we have too. I have walked out of a radio station because of hostile and stupid questioning by a radio talk show host. I have also left a television studio for similar reasons. Finally, I have refused an interview with a journalist because I suspected her motives were not as honourable as she wanted me to believe. There is no point in walking into traps that can damage our cause and only benefit the enemy.

Possibly the last bastion of a once free press that we now have are the dwindling amount of local papers still in the hands of relatively honest men. Television and radio is in an even worse state that the press in my view.

Media training is also important for those who are charged with speaking for the movement. An example of these points could be found in an interview I heard recently on “Women's Hour”, a program on BBC radio Four. As I recall there was a politician, a lawyer and a representative from one of Britain's best known men's organisations. The discussion became focussed on the issue of fathers being refused access to their children. The politician made the point that some 40%+ of fathers are given access but do not remain in contact with their children thereafter. The female politician, Rosie Winterton, then gave some misleading statistics about the amount of men who are refused access by the courts. On its own, these appear to be a powerful points and indeed, they came across as such to the listeners. Those hearing these points and who were listening with me in their homes, could so easily have lost sympathy with the men's movement's claim that they deserved more access to their children than they get. How did this happen? There are many reasons why it could have happened, ranging from nervousness at being under pressure in a radio studio, to not being allowed time to respond to the point in the normal ebb and flow of a conversation. I myself have faced this in interviews so I am aware of how difficult it can be. However, like politicians who talk and talk in order to prevent interviewers dominating, we have to be forceful and not tied down by politeness. The men's representative could have said that of those 40%+ who lose contact only a small minority do so willingly, the rest are forced out of contact by mothers refusing to obey court orders. Some men are broken both financially -- by escalating court costs -- and mentally -- by the horror of being kept from their kids. Fortunately, the female lawyer present during the discussion rode to the rescue and made the point herself that too many mothers breach contact orders. It is vital that we learn from these errors. It is also inevitable that errors will happen. Training will ensure that they happen less and less.

When considering data, it is vital to think about what would happen if the information contained on hard drives and CD Roms were lost. Would it be a disaster? Are there copies of the data in a secure place? Also, any personal details kept on a database or in an e-mail account that contains information of a medical nature -- no matter how vague that information is -- is subject to the provisions of the Data Protection Act. Allowing third parties to view that information without the written assent of the victim is illegal. We must be very careful not to place victims and their families in the position of having private data published, discussed or broadcast in any way, without their express permission. This is particularly true of male victims of domestic violence. It takes enormous courage to speak up when you have been emotionally castrated by a female or physically battered. The fear of ridicule is high and official indifference makes one feel as if you are utterly alone. When a sympathetic ear is offered by an organisations domestic violence officer the victims gratitude and desperation to talk can be massive and deeply touching. To have that trust breached by anyone is abhorrent. Therefore, if you appoint a person to speak to victims on behalf of your organisation via e-mail or letter, do not be tempted to view that material without the permission of the domestic violence officer and the victim. It would be a huge breach of trust and could land you in court. I have recent personal experience of this kind of activity by a men's charities legal advisor and one of its leaders and I am outraged and disgusted by it. People who breach the trust of others in this way should be instantly removed from the organisation in my view.

Video and stills photography can be an extremely useful tool. Public speakers and public meetings are another great tool and cannot be easily suppressed. They have the advantage of reaching large groups of people very quickly and all of the people who hear the message have the potential of telling up to an average of four other people each. Inviting the enemy leaders to speak at public meetings can also be advantageous. If they turn up then it gives us a chance to hone our own debating skills and observe those debating techniques of the enemy. If they do not turn up, it makes them appear unreasonable and allows us to say that we invited them but they treated discussion of the issues with the same contempt with which they treat both our children and fathers.

Sometimes the way to win is not to fight at all. The enemies system can be quite legally overloaded by simple requests for action from thousands of sources. Web sites are very vulnerable to attacks of this kind but, so are government departments and local authority resources are easily stretched. Imagine, for example, what would happen if 1000 people in an area all called into their local council in one day waving forms requesting planning permission and funding for a men's refuge!

Spies are always useful and in our fight spies can be invaluable. A spy within the Home Office could be very useful. A spy in a local police station in an area where action is planned could be a great asset. A female spy within the shelter movement could blow the whole thing wide open for the scam it often is. Another female spy within an organisation such a Women's Aid could be invaluable too. The enemy is also going to consider how useful a spy could be and that needs to be taken into account as was said earlier.

Technology can be very unreliable in all wars. In our war however, technology can be a great disadvantage to us all. Mobile phones are easily listened into. Computer systems are easily hacked. Home phones are easily tapped. It is vital that we do not under estimate the enemies ability to use any or all of these methods. There are however, easy ways to communicate to make things as difficult as possible. One of these is called PGP and is a freely available and almost unbreakable code system for written material sent over the Net or by post. On a short range basis, many cheap radio technologies that already provide “private channel technology quite legally, can be tuned “off channel” to provide even more secrecy. A tapped telephone is a great way of spreading disinformation to the enemy and confusing the hell out of them.

Any war requires at least two armies or there is no fight. Recruiting soldiers for the war means convincing others that our cause is a just one and worth fighting for. The depth of that conviction will determine the levels of commitment each soldier in the army has for the coming battles. While propaganda can weaken the enemies resolve to fight it will not, on its own, be enough to strengthen the backbone of wavering and bored troops on the allied side. For that, we need information. In the Vietnam war the moral of the American troops was kept low because they did not know why they were fighting. Their enemy, on the other hand, were fired up with zeal because they has a cause to believe in. So, despite an overwhelming amount of weaponry and fire power, the Americans lost the fight. At home the public turned against the war for the same reason. Despite the fact that Vietnam was the most televised war in history a fundamental error was made in not having and publishing clear objectives and valid reasons for fighting. A lack of information will cripple the fight. There is also another aspect to this need for information. The enemy troops may well be believing lies. If they see the truth of a situation they will begin to desert and swap sides. The integrity of the information must therefore, be absolute, but those charged with disseminating the information must also have an intimate understanding of the lies of the enemy. In this way they will be able to counter false statistics and misinformation at a moments notice.

Neither, in my personal view, must we shy from demanding that strict penalties be imposed on mothers who breach contact orders or commit perjury in the courts. By refusing to blame these mothers we are tacitly giving our consent to their actions. In the reverse, huge and crippling punishments are routinely being handed down to men who breach contact orders including, being kept from their kids. The sentimental view that it is somehow wrong to keep children from their mothers -- even bad mothers -- must be challenged. If we do not do this then our kids will go on being abused and witnessing abuse in the home. Do we really want this on our conscience if it really is the children we care about? Likewise the judges, politicians and court officials that routinely hand out these harsh and inhuman punishments to men, guilty of nothing more than loving their children, should find themselves on the receiving side of equal rage and anger without violence. Police officers that refuse to prosecute female abusers should be named and shamed and demands made from their superiors concerning their punishment. It is important to make these people understand that they are public servants. They are not our masters but our servants. As servants they are accountable but only if we hold them to account.

In order for an army to fight for a cause it cannot pick and choose what parts of the cause it fights for. It is vital that the whole picture is available to the troops within that army. To that end we need to focus the publics attention on every aspect of our fight for justice. This may mean shifting our focus from one part of our argument to another and back again. This will help prevent the public becoming bored too easily with only hearing one aspect. In view of this I feel it is vital that we also discuss and fight the abuse of men and children by partners and mothers in the home. Our war is not just against judges, politicians and solicitors. It is also a war against attitudes and prejudices. We cannot be seen to be ignoring the huge numbers of men who are being abused at home. Some of these men are not even aware they are being abused. They do not have the information to understand the abuse they are suffering. In other words, they are in the same dark position as women were in the 1960`s. They are suffering the abuse because no one has told them what they are suffering is abuse!

Most people have seen a man who has been abused but, very few of them know it. I recently engaged a young couple in conversation about male victims of abuse while we travelled on a bus. Both claimed vehemently that they had never heard of a man being abused by a woman. I changed tack. In a light hearted way I told a story of how I saw a woman beating a man in a supermarket. “It was so funny.” I said. Instantly, both began talking laughingly and in an excited way, about a friend of theirs who was regularly hit by his wife. “She used to wallop him all him the time, poor bugger.” The man said, while his wife nodded assent. I then pointed out that what they had seen was abuse and that I was right when I told them they probably knew men who had suffered in this way. Both looked shocked as the truth dawned on them and then they agreed that what they had witnessed was abusive.

Conversations like this are extremely revealing and can bring to light the kind of attitudes we need to challenge. Both the young man, and his wife promised to talk about my points to others at a later date. We cannot turn our backs on abused men and still claim to represent the interests of men, fathers and children. What is more, the numbers of abused men will swell our ranks dramatically. There may be as many as 3.3 million males abused by their partners in this land every year.

Within the men's movement there are those who want to propagate one view and one view only on the way to fight the war. I feel this is a dangerous and blinkered attitude. Gandhi was a great man for example and in his day the methods he used were appropriate and correct. Winston Churchill was also a great man but in an entirely different way. Patton, Montgomery and McArthur were great leaders but each had a totally different approach to fighting that was distinct from the others. Rommel, Julius Caesar and Alexander were probably the greatest tacticians who ever lived. None of these great fighters could ever have won by relying simply on one philosophy. Their strengths were in the fact they were so adaptable. Whatever worked they employed and they were not above learning tactics from their enemies. Hitler, on the other hand, had a one track mind and that was his great weakness. We must not make the Hitlerian error and focus on one leaders techniques for battle, no matter how clever that leader was.

Stealth is sometimes a vital part of any successful campaign. I remember how, during the great miners strikes in the 1980`s under Thatcher`s government, huge convoys of supporters were prevented from arriving at the demonstrations simply because they drove along Britain's motorways in buses and cars carrying slogans saying, “I support the miners.” The police simply herded them into lay-bys and arrested them under various laws designed to prevent a breach of the peace. Stealth is an excellent way to set an ambush and an ambush can be a most effective way of winning battles.

Commotion can also be a useful ally. Commotion can be used as an excellent way of diverting enemy resources from the intended destination or object of a campaign.

The military give out medals for those who show courage and strength in the face of adversity. It has long been a criticism of mine towards the men's movement that they are so slow to recognise and honour those who fight so hard and so well for them. This meanness of spirit does nothing to encourage the kind of brotherhood that is vital if we are to win our war. When someone does something that merits it, we need to be unafraid to slap that persons back and cry well done. If we do not then we will lose many people, good and determined fighters, who feel devalued and under appreciated by the movements they work for. These men and women work hard for long dreary hours. Often doing work that no one ever sees. They work at their own expense and very often alone. They surrender their social lives and sometimes even their family lives. Often the only words they hear from fellow members are biting and cutting remarks made out of jealousy and misunderstanding. These people need to hear that the work they are doing, or have done, is valuable. If they do not, they may well give up in despair and go away. In my time with the men's movement I have met many people like this. Good, honest and formerly hard working people. Some of them have burned out from over work and the exhaustion that brings. I have myself suffered from this. Some have simply turned away in frustration because their input was ignored. Some have found themselves up against men with huge egos who simply cannot allow others to take any glory away from them. Crushed by those egos, many have turned and fled back into obscurity. It is vital that we are more sensitive to these people and reward them both privately and publicly for their efforts. This should also include those who are not directly involved with any organisation of men but who do fantastic work. People like Erin Pizzey and Melanie Phillips for example. Along with these moral boasting efforts for individuals and organisations, there should also be a relief fund opened to provide help to those who have no money, but go without even the basics of human needs to pay for telephone calls and printer ink cartridges, travel costs and paper etc. A good General treats his men well and does not expect more than they are able to deliver. A bad General treats his men like cannon fodder and will face huge desertion as a result. After all, saying thank you is both easy and good mannered, as is saying sorry. Both can have healing effects on men whose confidence may have been shattered by their experiences. Not saying these two simple words can be a disaster. Which is best for all concerned?

Winning the peace is as important as winning the war. The conflict in Iraq amply demonstrates this point. We have to have alternatives in place to replace those things we are fighting against. For example; if we manage to create huge public anger over the way in which the family courts treat fathers and other relatives by denying them access to children, what are we going to replace these iniquitous laws with? If we feel that the definitions of domestic violence are too broad, too sexist and too sweeping, what are our alternatives and how do we fund them? It is vital that we have an answer when the press and politicians, members of the public and the victims of these injustices ask us questions on this point. Having “wish lists” is one thing but we have to be able to demonstrate that our wish list is a practical one that will work.

I know that this has been a long journey into my thoughts on this issue but it is something that is too complex and difficult to turn into a “word bite” and offer as a thousand word article. Indeed, I offer it here purely as a reference for those who agree with all, or part, of what I say and as a discussion point for those who disagree entirely. I hope it will be useful to all our efforts to bring justice and relief to those men and children who lay torn, broken and bruised in the battlefields of the home and the family courts. To those sad men who meet in motorway car parks with offspring they would sacrifice their lives for. To those children and males broken by violence and mental torture inflicted by women without conscience in the home. Your feedback is welcomed and encouraged.

To all those people; Aunts, Uncles, Grand parents, Brothers, Sisters and Fathers denied the right to see their own flesh and blood, or find safety from abuse, I would say only this: The men's movement's are coming to help you. Hang in there and don't give up. Join us, and by fighting back regain your confidence, dignity, pride and self respect. Your skills and contributions, no matter how great or how small are vital to the campaign. Your experiences can teach us much about how to fight and what we should fight for. Your friends and family are useful allies. Your financial aid will help us to organise and win so that others need not suffer as you have. Please, get involved. Fathers, abuse victims, relatives and our children need you. The war is a just war. Truth is on our side and no matter how long it may take, we WILL win!

George Rolph grolph12@hotmail.com
man2man
101 capstone Road, Downham, Bromley, Kent
UK. BR1 5NA
Tel: (UK) 0208 6989649

Last Update: 20 August 2004

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